Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Things I noticed this week about my teenage daughter

Going to the movies with a friend is a new favorite activity. I sometimes wonder if she really wants to even see the movie. She loves any excuse to hang out with friends. The thought has crossed my mind that at some point she will realize she is alone, unsupervised and mom is a whole 5 minutes down the road and would be clueless if she were to leave. Of course, I am counting on the fact that she is not as conniving a teen as I was. But on her next trip to the movies you may see me circling the parking lot, or better yet I am going to buy myself a ticket. I need a disguise…

Her cell phone is the most important thing. Ever. She password protected it to keep snoopy people from reading her text messages. I asked her for the code, she reluctantly gave it to me. Now the realization has come that I may be the snoopy people she is trying to keep out. She can text 100 words per minute which is important because she rarely uses it for much else. Very few phone calls actually take place since teens only seem to communicate via text messages.

She has a facebook, myspace and twitter account. How many ways does a teen need to message, text, or view their messages and tweets. How about gawk at each others pictures. And how many pictures can a teenage girl take where she is giving a peace sign or the same fake surprised look in each photo?

The mall is “The Best Place Ever!” Where else can a teen load up on dippin’ dots, corn dogs, giant cookies, slushie cokes, cheesy fries and soft baked pretzels all in one place? She comes home from the mall on a carbohydrate high so intense it is hours before her eyes dilate properly again. I may start randomly testing for sugar levels and carb counts.

I have noticed her noticing teenage boys and by noticing I mean seeing a boy, blushing and then turning away as if she isn’t noticing. As adorable as I am sure some of these overgrown, former hot wheels playing, pimply faced, baggy pants wearing, testosterone hormone driven, teen twits are; they need to stay away from my daughter. Just today at the gas station, 5 fearless Y chromosome carrying Neanderthals were staring at her, with me right beside her. I need to really work on my psycho mom scowl.

She is attending Freshmen Frenzy this week and will be starting high school very soon. I am having mixed feelings as I watch her walk up the school all alone. She doesn’t need me to hold her hand or walk around to meet her teachers. I am noticing, as she has become a teenager she is taking on the responsibility of being her own person. She may not need my hand to hold anymore but I need hers.

Oh, and I have been informed that she does not intend on riding the school bus this year, "Mom, nobody is riding the school bus."


  1. Oh no. I am going to spray-shellac my daughters at age 9 to preserve them so I never have to deal with this nonsense. They are 3 and 1 and I already get an anxiety attack just thinking about the phone and the mall and the boys... Oy vay.

  2. Spray shellac? I have got to get some of that. It may be too late for Kylie but I have three more kiddos that I can save from adolescent horrors.

  3. HA!

    That reminds me of my daughter. She matter of factly stated she WILL NOT be riding the bus.

    And those pictures... Does she do what I call the "lip" thing. It's this pose where they stick their lips out and I guess they think it's cute, I think it looks like they are constipated...

  4. Oh dear..you're freaking me out. I have 6 more years until I have to deal with all this! I think I'll start drinking now.

  5. She looks like Nicole Kidman when she was gorgeous. Pre-botox.
    I am terrified of the things my girls will do and say to be cool and like the other kids...I feel like I wish them to grow out of the difficult toddler and pre-school phase, but am only wishing them into a much, much tougher place. Good luck to you!