Sunday, September 27, 2009

Where's the Bucket?

ME: Levi here is you a bucket baby, if you need to throw up try to do it in here.
Levi: Why mommy?
Me: Because it is gross to get throw up on stuff like the couch or the carpet.

A couple hours later Levi is coughing almost non stop and starts gagging

Me: Levi lean over your bucket baby...

Levi runs to kitchen and pukes on the wood floor. Then he smiles.

Levi: See mommy, not on the carpet or the couch.

Unexpected things...

Levi in a panicked voice : Mommy!
Me from the other room: What is it Levi?
Levi: Mommy come here! Now!
Me: I'm coming baby...what is it?
Levi: Mommy you have to come see my Woody!!
Me: Your what?!
Levi: My Woody!
I get into the living room and this is what I see

Levi's Woody had been missing for a couple weeks now and he wanted me to know he had found him under daddy's chair.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Brown Eyed Girl

My birthday was last month and my darling husband was very good to me. One of my gifts I received from Kyle was a Yorkie puppy, Miss Lucy Lou. She is irresistible, and unbelievably cute. I adore her. I call her the little brunette, brown eyed baby girl I never had. Because contrary to what your high school biology teacher told you brown eyes are not dominant. True? Yes. I have four kiddos and not one has brown eyes. My girls both have blue eyes and the boys have hazel-green. So don't be mislead. And just this morning my brown eyed baby girl woke me at 6:20 am.

I needed to get the boys up for school anyway, and was I ever surprised to see the them awake already, in the living room watching cartoons. I made them breakfast which they ate without complaint. Then they dressed, brushed their teeth and went out to ride bikes before the bus arrived. But, that is sadly where the June Cleaver morning ends because it all went downhill from here. Kyle was looking over the school calender and noticed that today was fall portrait day. What?! I glance out the window to see Kalvin in his faded t-shirt with a milk mustache and Levi with toothpaste wiped on the sleeve. Damn it--

Quickly I run into the closet and pull two button up shirts off their hangers, and...what's that SMELL? I don't have time to investigate. I plug in the iron and set to creating smooth wrinkle free clothing. Which is hard to come by at my house since I pull laundry out of the dryer and it sits in a pile for who knows how long before it gets put away. Wait that is a lie, it most likely will sit in a pile until someone wants to wear it again because I am horrible about putting laundry away. Now where was I? Yes, the anti-June Cleaver morning.

I am pulling things out of a laundry basket knowing that near the bottom is a nice pair of khaki pants for Levi to wear...there's that wretched SMELL again. What is that?! I glance around and can't spot the culprit. I go about ironing. I yell at the boys to come inside to get changed, when Levi whines, "I'm already dressed. I don't want to start all over again!" I roll my eyes and think 'stop with the dramatics.' He likes his button up shirt though, he says it's "fancy." Lovely, that is one less battle, but the white undershirt has a sleeve that keeps bunching up and he is leaning toward a melt down and I yell, "Just let me button your shirt!" Then he decides he doesn't like the way his socks fit, and his pants are going to make him "hot"-true-, and he doesn't like his new shoes anymore. Good grief....that SMELL! I couldn't take it anymore. I go in search of the smell. I am on my hands and knees sniffing the air.

Crawling seems to lighten the mood as the kiddos start giggling at mommy's fat butt shimmying by them in search of the SMELL. My nose takes me to the closet, and in the corner is a wet circle of brown. "What is that?!" It smells like poop, but it's not poop, is it? One thing not so cute about my Lucy Lou is she likes to eat cat poop. Yes, disgusting, yet it is one of her favorite things. I have to keep a very close eye on her outside to make sure she isn't digging in the flower bed for kitty biscuits. I think that is what is in my closet. Cat poop. But not from the cat, from my dog. One more glance and sniff and it is official. Lucy Lou has puked cat shit! In. My. Closet.

I left it there. I had no choice. I had to get the boys to the bus stop. It is fall portrait day and they had to get on the bus, looking spiffy and well groomed. There can't be a chance that someone might think I forgot about fall portrait day. I watch them get on the bus and Levi immediately starts pulling at his shirt, which I am certain will be untucked before he gets off the bus and Kalvin is running his fingers in his hair trying to get that messy look he likes so much. Atleast they left my care looking dressed the part. Now back to the cat shit vomit in my closet!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

When it comes to Condoms

This morning as I cleaned the kitchen floor, I danced around with the mop singing along with Pink as her Funhouse CD blasted through my house. Little Lucy Lou was busily barking at the mop, or it could have been my singing. Whichever it was she was having as good a time as I was. Truly a good time. Music set the tone for this love fest I was having with clean and I was embracing it. Getting immersed in music and lyrics is an escape I have long enjoyed. And in doing so my kiddos have picked up on some racy lyrics from time to time.

Just picture this, Levi riding his bike, then still fitted with training wheels, round and round our cul-de-sac singing his little heart out..."That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped. I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked..." I don't tend to buy edited music CDs, I like to hear the music with all the profanity and raw emotion the artist intended. Go ahead, start the eye rolling and threaten to not let your kiddos come over and play. If you keep your promise not to send your kiddos to my house I will go right now and fill up my iPod with all kinds of inappropriate music. Pinky swear?

My indulgent attitude toward music coupled with arguably inappropriate for young ears lyrics has lead to some interesting questions. On a quick trip to the market for a gallon of milk Kalvin turns down the radio, which in my car is a no-no. I like my music loud, very loud. The reason being that if the music is loud enough I can sing at the top of my lungs and not even I can hear how bad I sound. Listening to music without singing along is something I have yet to master. So I do often restrain from listening to my iPod at the gym. So when the volume is decreased while I am mid song it had better be important.

This was Kalvin's time to ask a pertinent question. One regarding a burning topic. "Mom what is a condom?" I was flustered, unable to answer for a brief moment. Taken aback by the young mind that was inquiring about sexual things. My mind was turning, rather quickly about how to answer this serious inquisition. He had just heard this lyric "...when it comes to condoms put two on..." So Asher Roth feels the need to provide sex education in his songs, or are they raps? Whichever, I had my 11 year old asking me about condoms, in the car, while we were driving to pick up milk, and I was a little stumped. So I answered as best I knew how, while being honest, but without too much detail. All the while I was cursing his dad for not being the receiver of such questions.

I remember coming home from middle school and turning on the television to find an After School Special was about to come on. Do you remember those shows? The ones that talked about topics that parents may be afraid to discuss with their teens so network television created drama filled mini movies to teach teens about the dangers of sex, drug use, and drinking. Since there are no such mini movies now for my kiddos I choose to use explicit music lyrics as a jumping off point for talks about sexual situations and teen angst. Feel free to judge me, you already are. And remember your pinky swear about sending over your kiddos.